Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
