What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
pray to the hookup gods
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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