Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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