I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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