I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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