Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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