Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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