I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
