are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
