I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
