you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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