So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
