I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
