You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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