a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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