Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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