the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
