you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
