Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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