Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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