Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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