woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
