I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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