I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
