it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
