Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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