Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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