mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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