I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
