I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
