Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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