she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
