Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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