I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
