no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
