I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
