I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
