it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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