I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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