if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
