yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
