I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
