i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
