Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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