We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
