3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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