Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
