We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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