Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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