Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
