Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
