don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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