I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Still dying that you shit outside
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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