I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
