i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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