Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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