Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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