i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
