ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
