We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
