I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
