I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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