no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
