Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
