I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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