I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
