Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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