Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
