We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
