It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
