My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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