Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
