I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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