looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
