haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
