speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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