im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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